Why He Won't Marry You

So you’ve been dating the same guy for a long time…A LONG TIME. This pesky question keeps coming to mind. Why won’t he marry me? You’ve discussed the subject, but somehow you don’t ever move forward. Feeling stuck? Maybe he won’t marry you because:


1.     No Married Friends/Family- Does he have married friends and family? Do you? If not, you need to get some married friends fast. Find couples with marriages that that have lasted for years. And not just one so you have a wide variety of examples. You need people to show you what it is really like. If all you know about marriage is from TV and the movies, then neither of you is ready to get married. Surrounding yourself with married couples secures your chances of being married, and lets you know where you are headed.


2.     No Male Role Models- this goes along with #1. Many men haven’t known their father. Many of them don’t know if they have “what it takes” to be a husband and father. What about male friends? Who are they? Are they really men who have responsibilities or are they glorified little boys? Just make sure you don’t have tunnel vision when it comes to your boyfriend. Look at the people who surround him.


3.     The cohabitation effect –So the idea is the same with a car. “Test drive before you buy” is what you hear. First, if you are buying a car, it assumes that you will BUY a car within a reasonable amount of time because you NEED a car within a certain amount of time. Statistics show that couples that cohabit before marriage (and especially before an engagement or an otherwise clear commitment) are more likely to divorce than couples that do not.  According to the Boston Herald, “A recent study on cohabitation concluded that after five to seven years, only 21 percent of unmarried couples were still living together. " The Boston Herald goes on to say, “Research indicates that people who live together prior to getting married are more likely to have marriages that end in divorce.”


 4.     Waiting for the “right time”- Are you waiting till you both have enough money? A house? The right career? If you have had these discussions, it is a good thing. If you are living together and these goals are ambiguous, then the right time may never come.  Part of being married is being able to sacrifice what you want for something better.


5.     Free milk. Are you giving them’ goodies up? WHY would he run & marry you if you are acting like you are married? It may seem like old-fashioned advice, but just because it is old fashioned does not make it untrue.  There is a lot that comes with sex. Traditional boundaries are blurred and if you want something traditional, like marriage, this might be problematic.  One of TV’s famous Millionaire Matchmaker’s dating commandments is “No sex before monogamy.”


6.     His Addiction- You may not want to go there, but you do. In this case, ignorance does not mean bliss.  He may not be proposing because he knows he has an addiction- drugs, gambling, or pornography. Addictions, especially to pornography are big reasons why marriages do not last. If you suspect an addiction, don’t think, “It will go away.” It won’t.  Get help or get out, those are the only alternatives.

Though it is not good to jump into marriage out of fear or desperation. Give yourself an ultimatum. What would happen if you moved out? Do you honestly see yourself getting married (not engaged) soon?  If you know the answer and the answer is no then stop wasting your time and his. You deserve more.