So you want to keep your baby, but your boyfriend wants you to have an abortion. What do you do?
Why?
Why do you want to keep the baby? Even if the reason might not make sense to anyone else or is just a “gut feeling” think about why you feel the way you do. Write it down. It can be easy to feel guilty about what you want, especially if someone you love is pushing you another way. No matter what the decision, it is yours and it will affect you long term so give yourself a moment just to think about things.
Talk
Not all boyfriends/husbands are open to talking, but if yours is then start there. Find out why he wants to have an abortion. Is he not ready? Is he unsure about your relationship? Does he want to keep his lifestyle? And do you really know how he feels about the issue? Have you taken the time to tell him how you feel? It is easy to assume or to make an assumption based on a previous conversation. Things might be different. Now it is real. Now it is you. If you told him how you felt, would he listen and try to make it work? If you think there might be a chance that he would, go ahead and have that conversation.
If you didn’t have that conversation or even if he still made it clear he wanted you to have an abortion, will your partner be angry, but respect your choice if you choose to keep your baby? Will your boyfriend/husband leave you if you refuse to have the abortion? Many women in this situation feel like they have to choose between having a child and a relationship. They feel as if there is an silent (sometimes not so silent) ultimatum “do this or I’m out.” Is this how you feel? Do you feel like you have to honor your partner’s wishes in order to be in the relationship? Unfortunately, some women who have had an abortion to keep their relationship, end up breaking up in the long run.
According to the Deberver Institute for Bioethics and Social research, “After an abortion, the rate of marital breakups and relationship dissolution is anywhere from 40 to 75 per cent, often related to the breakdown of intimacy and trust. In addition, many women experience depression, guilt, and anger related to feelings of having been let down by their partner which, in turn, lead to communication problems and, frequently, sexual dysfunction. If their partners have manipulated or coerced them into having an abortion, women tend to feel angry and betrayed, and men, typically, feel a loss of control and pride especially if they were not consulted.”
If you are in any way afraid of your boyfriend, then this is something to consider. If you are afraid for your safety or even your emotional health, then make sure you have a safe environment. Feeling unsafe in a relationship will not change if you choose abortion. What will happen the next time? If you feel this way, reach out and get help.
The Third Option
Have you ever considered adoption? If your partner is afraid of the financial costs or even the way the baby will affect your relationship, this is an option to consider. There are many loving families who would love to have a child. This again will end up being your decision. What do you want?
It is easy to feel alone and scared in this situation. Many women feel like they have no choice and what they want doesn’t matter. No matter what you choose, it is important to know that someone is willing to be with you in this situation. Family and friends are great if they are willing to support you, not push you into any decision. You do not have to be alone in making this decision. Call us.We can sit and listen to you, or put you in contact with someone who faced a similar situation. We know women who chose to keep their child, make an adoption plan, and who chose abortion.
I know there are a lot of questions you are asking yourself. And now, here are more. It is a lot for anyone, especially if you feel alone. No matter what, go to someone you trust and talk it out. If you want to talk it out with us, we will listen.
If you know someone else in this situation and worry for her, tell her. Be there for her. It is easy to want to share your opinions or even your life story with her. There is nothing wrong with that, but first listen to her. She needs to be heard, she needs to know someone will be there to listen and will still be there no matter what she says. Listen, but then share your story or lead her to someone else who can help. Either way, she will need your support and friendship.