So you just found out you are pregnant and you are keeping the baby. Awesome, and congratulations! The only drawback is that the father is someone you do not really know and you are unsure whether he is capable of being a father. This is a tricky situation, but don’t be quick to take him out of the equation just yet. For starters, if you haven’t already, you need to tell him that you are pregnant. It is understandable if you made a mistake with this guy and you don’t want him in your life, let alone tell him that he is the father of your child. But he has a right to know that he is a father and he should be given the opportunity to reevaluate his life. After all, that is his flesh and blood growing in your womb. Meet with him over coffee and give him the news. If you are unsure about how to approach him, ask us to connect you with a resource center that can help you with coming up with the right words to say. We’d love to help!
If after you share the news and he says he doesn’t want to have anything to do with you or the baby, or demands you get an abortion, that’s okay. Stand firm in your decision to keep your baby and tell him that you are willing to give him time to process this news. He may think it over and realize he wants to help. In the meantime, visit your local pregnancy resource center and speak with a counselor who can help you plan for the next step. Now, if he says he wants to stay in the picture---great! That’s awesome that he wants to step up to the plate and be a man! Now is the time to be honest with him about your reservations and give him a chance to address them. If he has a lot of things to do in order to gain your trust and confidence (i.e., getting a stable job, sobering up, correcting irresponsible behavior), then clearly communicate these things to him. If he wants to get married or move in together and you don’t, then tell him. Most men need women to be brutally honest with them to know exactly where they stand. Beating around the bush will only make things worse down the road. I have personally seen the least likely men completely turn themselves around when faced with similar situations such as yours. Becoming a new father brings out the best in men, especially when they tap into their natural instinct to protect and serve their families. Despite your fears, be open to letting your child’s father enter your life to support you on this new journey. Children need their fathers in their lives and depriving them of the chance for this will only hurt them in the long run. Don’t give up on your child’s father just yet. Bring him to one of the local pregnancy resource centers where a counselor can educate him and help him grow into the man you and your child need.