Does your boyfriend care about you? Is he protective of you and helpful with decisions all the time? Is he just controlling you?
There is a thin line between a loving boyfriend and a controlling boyfriend.
Now we can all have our controlling moments, like when we insist on a certain movie or restaurant.Sometimes it can be more. You can feel like you have no choices, not just restaurants and movies but how you spend your time or with whom you are hanging out. This could mean you have a controlling boyfriend.
There are two types of controlling boyfriends. There are those who are physically controlling and those who are emotionally controlling.
It’s easy to pinpoint a physically abusive controlling boyfriend. If he’s ever raised his hand on you for the smallest of reasons or uses force to tell you what to do, it’s obvious he belongs to this type. He may love you, but his urge to dominate your life could end up hurting you badly. Even if he never hits you, do you ever feel threatened? You might come up with a dozen excuses of “how he doesn’t mean it “ and explain his actions away. Is he seeing a counselor and getting help? If not, just walk away.
Then there is the emotionally controlling boyfriend. He doesn’t hit, he may never yell but he still finds a way to cut out your legs from under you. The signs for emotional controllers are much more subtle. Use these tips here to help you recognize an emotionally controlling boyfriend.
Signs of an emotionally controlling boyfriend
An emotionally controlling boyfriend can make you feel like a princess. He might seem helpless without you. But you might start to feel a bit controlled. If you do notice these signs and it bothers you, put a stop to his behavior. And walk out of the relationship if he doesn’t change.
#1 He puts you down
He puts you down when you do something by yourself and makes it look like you can’t do anything without his help. He finds flaws in anything you do, and tells you how you could do a better job. Does he make it seem like you need him to become a better person? Maybe he doesn’t do it every time, but it still happens. If you notice it, say something. If he stops, fine. If not, this behavior will eventually make you lose your own confidence, and make you dependent upon him.
#2 He wants to know everything about you
This could seem sweet. “Tell me about yourself.” It could be sweet but if he wants to know every single detail of your daily life, and when he finds out that you haven’t told him a few things, he acts pained and hurt. Be careful. Just like you want to take your time physically, take your time emotionally. Don’t tell him everything at once and DON’T give him your Facebook or email password. I had two friends who had to change accounts after they broke up with their boyfriends (one emailed all her friends, the other snuck on to see if she was dating someone new). If you’ve already given him your passwords, try an experiment. Just change your passwords and don’t tell him. Does he notice? If so, what is his reaction?
#3 He doesn’t like it when you go out with your friends
Does he say your friends are a bad influence or does he think one of your guy friends is hitting on you? He starts to choose your friends and tells you whom to hang out with. Eventually you’d find yourself losing touch with most of your friends. It could feel flattering that he is jealous and of course he doesn’t want you to spend all your time with the other guy who has a crush on you. However, if you find that you never spend time with your friends or family be careful. It is harder to break up with someone you feel is your entire world. It is also more difficult to see as they are when you are wearing love goggles. Friends and family can help you see things realistically.
#4 He always has to be right
He looks for any excuse to prove a point. He loves saying “I told you so” and makes you feel lost without his guidance in life. Things are never his fault, but they are yours. If you do make a mistake he will remind you of it- over and over.
#5 He’s jealous
This can seem cute at first, but over time, his jealousy could turn into an obsession that borders on insanity. If you go out with your own friends for a night out, he sulks or acts grumpy for a while and makes up another excuse about why he’s pissed off. Sometimes, he may even blame you for his mood and use an excuse like “you didn’t call me enough” or “you ignored me”.
#6 He makes decisions in your life
It might seem like he is being helpful. You can’t decide and so he will do it for you. Again, this goes beyond restaurant choices. What if every now and then become all the time and now he is making all the decisions for you. What if you do make a decision? Does he pick flaws in it and shows you how wrong you are even if you know you’re right.
#7 He breaks down when you take a stand
What happens when you take a stand? Yeah, you argue but if you stand firm does he break down and cry. Does he tell you that you don’t understand him or that you are hurting him? Do you end up giving in for his happiness or for fear of losing him?
#8 You no longer know what you want
Does your whole life revolves around him? He makes you believe that he’s the one who can make you happy and no one else. You start to believe its true. His happiness becomes yours, his wants are your wants, and his likes become your likes. Your whole world will start to revolve around him, and nothing else. Now this can sound a lot like love. Don’t I want my boyfriend to be happy? Yes of course, but not at the sacrifice of all your opinions and happiness
It is much easier to identify the physically controlling boyfriend. If a boyfriend shows one or two of these traits once in awhile, talk to him if it bothers you. If it happens all the time be careful you don’t lose your freedom. You find yourself asking for his permission to do anything. You assume he’s the best thing that’s happened in your life. That he knows better and the one who’s always right. If you are not sure, then come talk to us we can just listen, let you talk it out or direct you to some great, knowledgeable people.