“Either Your Boyfriend is going to look at porn or he’s going to look at you.” -Jennifer Lawrence
I’ve always liked Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss in the MockingJay movie. She portrays this strong woman who fights for survival. I like her as an actress, but I have issues with this quote. According to Jennifer men have two options: 1) look at porn, or 2) look at you.
And by “look at you,” I assume she doesn’t mean, “look at you while he is talking to you about poetry, politics, or his favorite memory.”
No, she means that if you are in a relationship, you have a choice: let your boyfriend use you or they will find someone else to use. It’s like making you choose between a bad option and a worse option. So what choice do you have? It is not just about Jennifer, a lot of people feel this way. Some are a lot more casuall than she is. If you are a woman in college in a relationship, it might feel like everyone else is sexting.
What choice do you have? Do you even have a choice if you don’t want to be a social leper?
You do have choices. You can say no and while it might make you unpopular with some guys, it won’t make you an enemy with all. Even if everyone else thinks that is modern dating, you don’t have do what everyone else is doing. Remember those pictures last, most times longer than the relationships. Pictures, emails and texts can be forwarded. People can take screen shots and have them long after you have forgotten about them. That is just a fact, but you don’t refrain from sending that picture or text out of fear. Don’t do it because you are empowered. Because you know you are worth more, a lot more than that.
You can say no to sexting, to porn, to doing anything you don’t feel ready to do. If he says he will break up with you yeah, it’s going to feel bad, but it is going to feel a lot worse feeling manipulated or used. “Do this or I will leave you.” That is not a good sign in any relationship.
You can say yes to a relationship based on love. It really can exist, but you have to set the expectations. You can say yes to face to face dates, real conversations and someone who will think of you as a whole not a bunch of parts. I have a friend (who is now married) who refused to say yes to a date unless the guy asked her in person. She thought she was worth a little effort. Yes, she dated a little but it allowed her to find a guy who was willing to put some work into a relationship.
I know it sounds crazy, but isn’t that really what you want? Do you really feel empowered having a relationship with a phone or a computer?
This quote from Jennifer Lawrence is just sad. She is ready to believe that men are incapable of self-restraint, sacrifice and really, true love. I don’t believe that and I hope you don’t either.
This is just an invitation to think twice when a guy sends you an explicit picture or asks for you to send him one. Why? Is that to create a real relationship? Do you feel used at all? Do you feel loved?