Adoption Questions

The Truth:  Responses to the Myths and Fears of Adoption


1. Adoption will cost me money.
No. The whole process costs you nothing.
2. I can’t find free legal help or an attorney.
Free Women's Clinic will provide an attorney who will meet with you immediately. It is free and confidential.
3. It will take too long to find a solution now.
Not true. The process can begin immediately and providing clear choices for your personal situation.
4. I can’t afford the cost of giving birth.
You are eligible for birth and living expenses during the adoption process.
5. I’m afraid to give my child to strangers.
You have the opportunity to meet and choose the adoptive parents. No one else can do this for you.
6. I’m afraid to go to court or social services.
It is not required; your attorney can represent you.
7. I fear I will never know the adoptive parents and be secure with them.
You can meet them and have contact with them. You may ask them questions in order to get the information you need to know them better.
8. I fear that the adoptive family will live too close to me.
You can choose parents from another state.
9. I have too many problems here (w/family or boyfriend) to go through with the adoption.
You could, if necessary, move during pregnancy, even to another state.
10. I fear my child will never know me.
That won't happen. You may prepare information that can be given to your child as he/she matures.
11. My child will never forgive me for this adoption.
Not true. There is no shame in choosing life. The child will understand the gift you gave him and the strength you showed.
12. I’m afraid the child will not know his mother.
No. The child will always know he/she is adopted.
13. I fear my child will not do as well compared to other children.
Not true. Studies show that adopted children do just as well if not better than other children.
14. I fear the whole transition of my child to the adoptive parents.
Your plan can be arranged to so that the adoptive parents can be at the hospital a the time of birth.
15. I’m afraid something may go wrong and my child will end up in foster care.
Not true. Your child never has to go to foster care.
16. I’ve heard that my child could be taken away from me.
Not true. No one but you may sign adoption documents, even if you are a minor.
17. I’m afraid of the father of the child stopping the adoption.
The father could stop the adoption if: a) he has fully embraced his parental responsibility to the mother and unborn child including payment of pregnancy expenses, providing emotional & physical support to mother, b) he is preparing to raise the child himself and not by extended family, c) he holds himself out publicly as the father, d) he has filed a paternity action in court to become the father.
18. I’m afraid the father may stop the adoption.
It is estimated that only 5% of fathers legally object to an adoption.
19. I fear I may change my mind.
It is estimated that only 3% of mothers change their minds about adoption.
20. How can I ensure the adoptive parents are good people?
Adoptive parents go through a rigorous home-study investigation and are fingerprinted. That is, not just anyone can adopt without qualifying first.
21. I feel someone is profiting from the adoption.
Free Women's Clinic is supported by donations and works only with groups who work at cost or charge little for services.
22. What if I never know what my child looks like?
Your adoption plan can provide that pictures are sent to you.
23. I’m afraid that my child will never know who his mother is or what his mother looks like.
Your adoption plan can include that your child knows about you and what you look like.
24. Is this adoption going to become public information?
Independent adoption can be totally private.
25. Does anyone want my child?
There are millions of loving families in the United States who are waiting to adopt.