You look over at your boyfriend and realize that you’ve been dating for a few months ant you haven’t really talked? You've never had an actual meaningful conversation? Do you wish that you and your boyfriend could talk about meaningful subjects but just don’t know how to get the conversation started?

The most difficult conversation will be the first one. Don’t try to fulfill all your expectations in one conversation. That can be overwhelming, especially if you haven’t had a lot of long conversations. Just because you haven’t had a lot of conversations does not mean that you can’t start now. Take the first baby step.

Start Small

All you have to do is ask a question. One more question than you usually would ask.

You and your boyfriend went to see a movie.

You: Did you like the movie?

Date: Yes

Now this is where a lot of conversations end, but it doesn’t have to. Just ask one more question:

You: What part did you like best?

Play a Game

People think that conversations have to be serious. They imagine two people discussing philosophy for hours over a candlelit meal. It doesn’t have to be that way. You can make it a game.

You: Okay so if you could be one of the X-Men which one would you be?

Date: Wolverine

You: Yeah. Wolverine

Ask Them What They Think

As him what he thinks. It does not have to be something deeply profound, just throw in a why during a casual conversation. For instance, if you are both sitting watching a football game together, wait till the commercial and ask him who he thinks is going to win. After he tells you, casually ask, “why do you think that?”. Don’t get too intense with the question, just casually ask his opinion. This is good for you to see if he actually has opinions. If he just shrugs or answers “I don’t know”, Don’t get discouraged, just try again another time.

It might seem like your boyfriend/date doesn’t like to talk, but most people love to talk about themselves; you just need to ask the right question to get him talking. Ask open ended questions (questions that need explanations for an answer rather than just a simple yes or no).

Closed questions: "Do you like movies?", "Are you going to the basketball game?",  and "Do you like your steak rare?"

Open questions: "What kinds of movies do you like like?", "What was your favorite subject in school?"

Then Ask Why?

Why is the key to conversation and it is really what you want to know. Why do you feel that way? Why do you think that?

You: Oh I like this song! What do you think?

Date: It's Ok.

You: Who is your favorite band?

Date: The Beatles

You: Yeah? Why the Beatles?

The why is the key to a good conversation. You can know what he likes, but to know why he likes the things he does will give you a lot of insight into the person you are dating.

For example: You know his favorite food is lasagna. During a conversation, you ask him why it is his favorite food. He starts talking about his grandmother from Italy and how she would make it especially for him when he came to visit her.

Asking the question ‘why’ will let you know so much more and lead to a much deeper conversation.

Remember

It is important that you actually have the conversation in person.  It can be easy just to text but having real in-person conversations are important for relationships. As you start to have conversations, pay attention. Does your boyfriend ask you what you think?  Start by talking about the small things and then go deeper. What is really important to you? Where do you see your relationship going? It is better to ask now, than to be surprised or disappointed years from now.

If you talk to couples that have been together for many years, they will say one of the most important things in their relationship is communication. Good conversation is the most important part of conversation.